Friday, April 26, 2024
How Much Roof Could A Roof Chuck Chuck If A Roof Chuck...
Sunday, April 7, 2024
Censored!
Themes for
This Year’s Gardens
Fashion
dictates the width of one’s lapels, or the shape of fins upon one’s car.
Assuredly, gardeners are every bit as prone to exploitation in this coming and
going of tides and trends as the next group of consumers. Last year’s All White
or Santa Fe Garden seems ho-hum this spring. But what to do? In keeping with
this hectic frenzy to be the first on one’s block, I proffer the following “hot
tips”: a sort of sneak preview into this year’s cutting-edge trends in garden
fashion.
The Car-den: Here in America the automobile
reigns supreme. We are constantly seeking out the elusive concept of the true
“American Garden”, and what could be more American? As we all have at least one
rusting hulk taking up space on our properties, think “recycle”. We all know
the old tire-inside-out planter trick- just take it a piece “further up the
highway”, so to speak. Hubcaps make dandy planters, and an old transaxle stood
on end makes a distinctive sculptural focal point. Vines may be grown up a spare
drive shaft and that old windshield- cracked or not- makes an impromptu cold
frame. Go the extra mile and create exciting garden benches from tattered back
seats. In a pinch, the trunk makes a convenient tool or potting shed. Happy
motoring!
The
Remodeled Garden:
Having some home improvements done to the domicile? What better source for
garden ideas! Last year’s color coordinated appliances may look dated indoors,
but outside, they’re sure to please. Let the neighbors know you’re sprucing up
by planting that old sink in a garden bed… charming birdbath! And the matching
toilet looks perfect with some ferns or trailing lobelia cascading over the
rim. Tearing out the wood-grain paneling? It makes a stunning fence and from a
distance it looks almost real. Linoleum floor gotta go? Try it as a whole new
dimension in path covering. Simulated brick is so much easier to work with than
the real thing- no buckling or heaving due to frost. You’ll find that wipe
clean finish is terrifically low maintenance. Let your imagination run wild!
The In
Town/Out of Town Garden: What better way to show you’re concerned about urban blight than to
bring it on home? Here, the mood is cracked pavement and crumbling
infrastructure. Tear out all those hybrid tea roses and upscale ligularias!
Replant with ailanthus and ragweed! Spray paint quirky graffiti slogans like
“Organic Gardening Rules” on the stockade fence. After dining at your favorite
fast-food restaurant, bring home those wrappers and coffee cups and toss them
in your yard. Chain link fencing is also a nice touch, especially if it’s
slightly torn and you must crawl under it to gain admission to the garden. Put
up signs that read, “No Loitering” and “Unauthorized Vehicles Will be Towed”.
Get your friends to slump up against the fencing and solicit handouts or shout
obscenities at visitors. This style of gardening is sure to gain approval among
recent transplants to the country as it will make them feel right at home.
Star Ship
2024: Jealous of
Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk and their journeys into outer-space? How about
exploring those vast frontiers on your own chunk of Terra Firma? Nothing signals
“Houston, we have a problem” more provocatively than renting a back hoe, creating
several good-sized craters and applying generous tons of trap rock. Rename that
garden cart the “Lunar Lander” and spend nights Moon-scaping. Plant exotic
sedums, lichen, lithops and other “alien” species in large drifts... Or better yet, consider “Is there Life on
Mars?”, eschew plants altogether and simply spread that attractive orange mulch
everywhere. Hire your neighbor’s kids to fly drones overhead and “beam”
pictures back to “Earth”. Area 51 will have nothing on you and you’ll be boldly
going where no one has gone before!
Thursday, March 21, 2024
Scary Story!
This little weasel (aka Robin the (sometimes) Good) gave us quite the scare yesterday and we're not entirely out of the woods yet. As is typical, Robin ate, I fed Neko (with Robin's help) and then we retire upstairs to join Bob and look at the news on the Internet. Robin always get a Kong (*1). So we're drinking coffee and looking at the idiotic things that rethuglicans are puling on about when I turn to Bob and say, "Where's Robin?" She had obviously finished the Kong and had debarked to other parts.
I walked downstairs and Lo!! The muffins I had placed on the counter to thaw for breakfast has mysteriously disappeared. Robin was looking guilty and sort of slunk off into the living room, I took three more muffins out of the freezer. (In all fairness, she had left us one muffin)
About twenty minutes later, it occurred to me that these were bran muffins... with RAISINS which we all know are poisonous to dogs. I took out my phone and gooogled just how toxic are they... turns out VERY!! Like 1 raisin for ten pounds of dog! Like I know Robin consumed more than 6 raisins!!
So I call our vet and they advise to give her a teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide 3% every 15 minutes until she throws up. Anyone want to guess how hard that is? I think I managed to get like a drop of peroxide in her mouth and a bunch all over my face and hands (She wasn't having it). So off to the vet's we went; me hoping that Robin would simply puke in the car as she hates car rides anyway but no go.
I wind up waiting at the vet's for over two hours as they try (unsucessfully) induce vomiting. (*2) I sat with Robin, thinking maybe seeing me would help her hurl in unfamiliar surroundings. Still nothing. So the vet then takes Robin back into an exam room and they stuff her full of charcoal, which apparently helps absorb any toxins, which she will then throw up. They instruct me that when she throws up, it will be a big, fat, nasty, gooey, black mess.
Which it was because three minutes after returning home, Robin hurled copiously all over the living room rug. Personally? I was simply glad she had expelled the offending food (*3). I examined it (yes, that's what dog owners do!) and it looked pretty undigested so I'm at least mostly sure she got rid of everything in her.
Today, she seems fine. She ate with gusto (nothing off our counter), ran around outside, pooped an "interesting" black turd (more charcoal!) and seems fine. She is due to return for a follow-up exam on Saturday to check her blood for abnormal readings. I told her today that those were the world's most expensive muffins: $300 for three muffins!!!
(*1) A large-ish rubber thing that looks like some sort of sex toy that you fill with broken up dog biscuits and peanut butter. Robin is a serious fan of her morning Kong!! Keeps her "busy" for about three minutes...
(*2) Interesting fact: I noticed Robin's eyes were really red and the vet explained the vomit-inducing medication is administered through eye drops! Who would think this?!!?!? It apparently gets absorbed really quickly through the conjunctiva! Weird!
(*3) Lots of it! Breakfast! A Kong! Three muffins!! The dog is NOT starving!!
Saturday, March 16, 2024
The Life of PIE
In celebration (yes! another holiday!) of "Pi Day"(that is March 14th or 3/14) Bob suggested that pie was indeed called for. I had recently scored a bag of limes and the urge to concoct hit, so I made a Key Lime Pie. And as it's (kinda) green, it will double for a St. Patrick's Day dessert as well. It is delicious.
On other green notes, Spring does seem like it's here as the grass is greening and perennials are poking their heads above ground. Hooray. I actually have several primroses (the Stop and Shop/Shop Rite variety) blooming outside. Those are hardy little buggers! And peepers! Our vast estate is full of emergent sounds. Welcome back to all the birds and bugs.
This post is brief as it's another truly lovely day outside and I'm eager to get out there and do a bit of gardening. So byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Saturday, March 2, 2024
Everything's Comin' Up Roses
Saturday, February 17, 2024
Crazee Holiday Cluster
Oh February has just been a big blur with us lurching form one holiday to the next!
First we encountered Ground Hog's Day- always a major event at our house, despite my sister (hello Beatrice!) telling me that the groundhog has an abysmal record of notifiying us of Spring's arrival. (something like 33%? Not good!) And lo! He (She?) predicted a quick end to our already non-existent Winter. And the Winter arrived with fury... (*1) All it does is snow:
So shuffling out past Ground Hog's Day, we encountered The Super Bowl. Except that we couldn't watch it as we aren't signed up for any of the streaming platforms offering the game and I'll be damned if I'm signing up for another stnking streaming service. (Don't get me started on that bait-and-switch game.) So a day later, (*2) we watched high lights of half time and some not very funny Super Bowl ads. (*3)
The Super Bowl was quickly forgotten as we catapulted directly into Mardi Gras. We were expecting a big snow storm- the first in several years- so we went out and purchased provisions for the weather event and Fat Tuesday. We managed to score a King Cake and were thrilled it even included the all important plastic baby. (*4) However, our gooey, cinnamony hopes were dashed on discovering the cake was super stale. I returned it to the store. Better luck next year!!
And of course, the very next day was Valentine's Day. We spent the majority of the day romantically removing all that lovely snow that fell on us. We were both exhausted at the end of the day. A few friends pointed out that Valentine's Day coincided with Ash Wednesday and I suppose that's bad news for all the people who "celebrate" Ash Wednesday by giving up things like chocolate for Lent. (*5) Not being among the (ahem) faithful, we went right on celebrating...
And if memory serves me correctly, Monday is President's Day. Not sure what sort of edibles we'll do to celebrate that but it won't include chocolate!
(*1) Damned ground hog!
(*2) Bob got up earlier than me on the Monday after "the big game", so I enquired of him, "Who won?" He informed me that the Kansas City 49's won. To which I replied that was a mash up of both teams. He responded that one- or both- had won.
(*3) Some weird thing about feet being washed and lots of beer and I lost interest...
(*4) Bob placed it and I got it on the first slice! I think it means I'm required to buy next year's cake.
(*5) Haven't we all given up chocolate because it's full of lead and cadmium and other heavy metals?
Wednesday, January 31, 2024
Happy Birthday to Beatrice!
Happy Birthday to my sister Beatrice! While carefully considering all the ways to honor her and celebrate her name day, I decided the bestest way was to illustrate exactly where her present comes from. A true story of farm to table!
Here at our factory, our employees are skilled in the most efficient methods of converting feed to the raw stage of our product. Above, is Neko, your personal provider.
Freshly generated product is harvested several times a day and transported in our state-of-the-art conveyance to our modern processing department.
(Note: employee monitoring collection in the field). After arriving at our hygenic and scrupulously inspected facility, product is added to the ever-growing heap of compost in preparation..
Several months of patience is rewarded with the finished product, ready to be delivered right in time for Spring planting! Black gold! Happy Birthday Beatrice! May your garden grow green and be the envy of all your garden friends!!
Sunday, January 28, 2024
Visitors!
Other people look out their windows and have lovely untouched expanses of pristine snow... not us! We had about an inch of snow the other day and it was quickly violated by our outdoor activities, which on this particular day included dragging 3/4 of a ton of steel down to Bob's studio on a cart. (They would deliver on a snowy day. Most of the time, the steel company is a day or two off in their projected delivery day).
Also, Robin and I do a fabulous job of running around and generally marking the snow up. It looks like a school-full of crazy kids has visited. But we did have visitors of another sort:
That's Robin the Good's paw print on the right, next to small pawprints that were left all through our back yard. I think they were foxes? And I think there were two of them as prints that worked their way to our terrace (nosy little buggers!) wove in and out of each other. They inspected Robin's cache of outdoor toys and probably looked in the back window to see what we were up to.
Here's another shot of Robin's front foot print. She was very interested in the trail of the visitors! They're probably the same little individuals who left a small poop on the very southeast of the terrace a afew weeks back. Just letting us know they're here!
Wednesday, January 17, 2024
Gotta Love A Land Line!
Here it is! Thebest sort of technology. Take it out of the box, plug it inot the wall, pick up that hand set and make a call. Astonishing! Easy as 1-2-3 and no need to call for tech support. Yes, I realize there are individuals out that who will call me a Troglodyte or a Luddite but I like our land line.
And here are the two "other" sorts of phone. The one on the right is my old phone, being retired because (as stated in an earlier blog) it was possessed and devious and cranky. It still "works" but not really well and not on my terms. The phone on the left is the new model. I am just learning its ways...
Tuesday, January 9, 2024
A Snowy Start
Well yes, a snowy start to 2024 but let's see how long that snow lasts! Not having had almost any for two years, it is interesting to contemplate a world of white. It's supposed to rain- like torrents!- tonight and probably turn all that snow into slush. Tomorrow is going to be almost 50 degrees so goodbye snow!
Januaury 3rd saw the anniversary of our having moved to the BauHaus Chicken Coop a full twelve years ago. As a friend remarked: time does fly! I have also posted over 800 (!!! Yikes!!) blogs describing our time here. I realize I haven't posted quite as diligently in the last year... but really? We've been really busy and soemtimes I just forget to document all the weird and wonderful things we've done.