Themes for
This Year’s Gardens
Fashion
dictates the width of one’s lapels, or the shape of fins upon one’s car.
Assuredly, gardeners are every bit as prone to exploitation in this coming and
going of tides and trends as the next group of consumers. Last year’s All White
or Santa Fe Garden seems ho-hum this spring. But what to do? In keeping with
this hectic frenzy to be the first on one’s block, I proffer the following “hot
tips”: a sort of sneak preview into this year’s cutting-edge trends in garden
fashion.
The Car-den: Here in America the automobile
reigns supreme. We are constantly seeking out the elusive concept of the true
“American Garden”, and what could be more American? As we all have at least one
rusting hulk taking up space on our properties, think “recycle”. We all know
the old tire-inside-out planter trick- just take it a piece “further up the
highway”, so to speak. Hubcaps make dandy planters, and an old transaxle stood
on end makes a distinctive sculptural focal point. Vines may be grown up a spare
drive shaft and that old windshield- cracked or not- makes an impromptu cold
frame. Go the extra mile and create exciting garden benches from tattered back
seats. In a pinch, the trunk makes a convenient tool or potting shed. Happy
motoring!
The
Remodeled Garden:
Having some home improvements done to the domicile? What better source for
garden ideas! Last year’s color coordinated appliances may look dated indoors,
but outside, they’re sure to please. Let the neighbors know you’re sprucing up
by planting that old sink in a garden bed… charming birdbath! And the matching
toilet looks perfect with some ferns or trailing lobelia cascading over the
rim. Tearing out the wood-grain paneling? It makes a stunning fence and from a
distance it looks almost real. Linoleum floor gotta go? Try it as a whole new
dimension in path covering. Simulated brick is so much easier to work with than
the real thing- no buckling or heaving due to frost. You’ll find that wipe
clean finish is terrifically low maintenance. Let your imagination run wild!
The In
Town/Out of Town Garden: What better way to show you’re concerned about urban blight than to
bring it on home? Here, the mood is cracked pavement and crumbling
infrastructure. Tear out all those hybrid tea roses and upscale ligularias!
Replant with ailanthus and ragweed! Spray paint quirky graffiti slogans like
“Organic Gardening Rules” on the stockade fence. After dining at your favorite
fast-food restaurant, bring home those wrappers and coffee cups and toss them
in your yard. Chain link fencing is also a nice touch, especially if it’s
slightly torn and you must crawl under it to gain admission to the garden. Put
up signs that read, “No Loitering” and “Unauthorized Vehicles Will be Towed”.
Get your friends to slump up against the fencing and solicit handouts or shout
obscenities at visitors. This style of gardening is sure to gain approval among
recent transplants to the country as it will make them feel right at home.
Star Ship
2024: Jealous of
Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk and their journeys into outer-space? How about
exploring those vast frontiers on your own chunk of Terra Firma? Nothing signals
“Houston, we have a problem” more provocatively than renting a back hoe, creating
several good-sized craters and applying generous tons of trap rock. Rename that
garden cart the “Lunar Lander” and spend nights Moon-scaping. Plant exotic
sedums, lichen, lithops and other “alien” species in large drifts... Or better yet, consider “Is there Life on
Mars?”, eschew plants altogether and simply spread that attractive orange mulch
everywhere. Hire your neighbor’s kids to fly drones overhead and “beam”
pictures back to “Earth”. Area 51 will have nothing on you and you’ll be boldly
going where no one has gone before!
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