Under No Circumstances!

 Several things prompted me to purchase natto, a Japanese fermented soy bean food that is supposed to be extremely good for you. At our local health food emporium, several helpful sales people had trouble locating it- which should have been a big red flag as to how "popular" it is. (Or, as we will establish, isn't). I purchased two containers, one small bean and the other large bean.

I had been warned that it was an acquired taste and that it took getting used to. But Bob and I are pretty game when it comes to trying strange stuff (*1) and I said, "Let's give it a whirl". Be warned if you have a weak stomach... 

Okay, so one other weird thing is the instruction to stir the natto 400 times before consuming. I started off, got to 50 and handed the honors on to Bob. I expected to get the natto back at 100 stirs and carry on alternating but Bob was so enthusiastic that he stirred his heart out and soon we had achieved the 400 required for optimal enjoyment. I am going to add here that the "aroma" exuding from this container was... interesting and not exactly appealing, but even hard boiled eggs smell kind of like sulphur. We had a few discussions as to how best to ingest this substance; Bob opting for its use as a condiment on top of rice, me suggesting in a Triscuit cracker (something familiar) with mustard and cheese.

I will also insert here that as it was 4/20, we had smoked a nice joint and were pleasantly, smilingly buzzed. We do our best to observe most national holidays. We were stoked!

Oh boy. Despite the odor- because in truth it was an sewage-like odor, not aroma- and despite the resembleance of its texture to the specific drool that occurs prior to one's dog puking (*2) I gamely raised that cracker to my mouth and bit in. I had chewed this edible monstrosity for approximately four seconds and was beginning to consider swallowing when what can only be called a deeply visceral response occurred. My entire body from my feet up to my throat recoiled and I was wracked by the need to eject the alien from my being. My body was screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Under no circumstances!! Whatever that thing is it will not be allowed in!!" I rose quickly and said, "I think I'm going to throw up!" Which I did, happily having made it to the bathroom in time. (*3)

Bob was not inclined to hurl but he allowed that maybe you had to grow up eating it to appreciate it and that it did seem to be an acquired taste. The one cracker taste test was enough to seal our natto experiment and the offending package was covered and returned to the refrigerator. It took a while to get that taste and texture from our mouths memory banks (*4) We completed dinner with a salad and crackers and cheese. Palate cleansing...

So anyone with an adventurous streak and a very, very strong stomach is more than welcome to two free containers of almost brand new natto. Hey! It's reputed to be very, very good for you!

(*1) Bob much more so than me!!

(*2) Ropey, thick but stringy and full of slime, slime, slime! Try washing it off your hands; kinda like slug juice.

(*3) I cannot even remember the last time I puked. Honestly. This happened so fast that it was impressive. Every fiber of my being rebelled against natto. My apologies to Japanese food culture but it was not a good experiment. 

(*4) Sorry to say, even looking at these pictures evokes a certain gut response. Not pleasant!