This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

There's been so many things going on lately and our computer has been so messed up that I haven't written a blog posting in ages, despite there being so very many things to report on. Therefore, I promise to compose- in rapid fire fashion- at least three updating posts. I am certain that everyone is on the edge of their seats in anticipation.
First, allow me to state that the photos are illustrations depicting just how weird life with a puppy can be. I don't really notice anymore that our furniture has taken a decidedly odd turn, but to others who visit, our living room must look very strange indeed. Upturned tables and chairs decorate the seating areas of several chairs to discourage Lil' Robin from sitting on or chewing off cushions.

You get the idea. It has probably crossed Bob's mind that we live "differently" than many of our friends (that's their problem!) but to my mind it's simply a stage we're going through. And who wants a living room that looks like everyone elses? House and Garden hasn't threatened to pay a call any time soon...
This posting is driving circuitously to the subject of Robin the Good and I successfully completing our "Family Manners" Dog Class. (Fans have been clamoring for updates!) I think this was a positive experience for both of us: Robin seems to have benefited from her canine and human interactions and I got to see her blossom. (that is, when she wasn't curled up in a pathetic heap on my feet wishing she were anywhere else.) I also got to accidentally offend several people, including the grumpy woman to whom I exclaimed, "My, that's the biggest Husky I have ever seen!" To which she snarled, "It's not a Husky!" Hey! I got asked if Robin was a Flat Coated Retriever, and I didn't bite their heads off! There were several entertaining (or embarrassing) moments as when the instructor held our dog's leashes- one at a time- and we went to the far end of the space and called our puppies. They're supposed to gallop off to their beloved master/mistress without hesitation. Robin went first and ca-roomed back to me so fast; I think I expected all the other dogs to follow suit. But the little Beagle Ulysses wandered off in the opposite direction as his hapless owner called frantically. The giant (ahem) Not Husky sat and barked at the instructor instead of coming to his crabby mistress and the decidedly challenged (or deranged depending on your viewpoint) gargantuan overbred Labrador Sassy just sat there. The instructor gently prodded this oaf with a sneakered foot but with no result. One test successfully completed!

(The dark blob to the left of center is Robin, surrounded by her bizarre collection of "toys".) I will allow that Robin was great at the coming-when-called episode, but proved less convinced by some of the training operations recommended- like touching her nose with a dog treat, then touching MY nose with the treat and saying "Watch!" to get their attention. I'm not sure what Robin thought, but I am imagining it's along the lines of, "Oh no! Rita really has lost her mind this time!" Robin was much better at practicing at home and found class sort of stressful; many distractions and loads of noise! (Including that a "correction" used on our puppies was a sound that then instructor called "EEEENNNT!!" This was described as "the sound of the buzzer on a game show when an incorrect answer was given". We therefore spent many fine minutes waltzing around the room with a constant barrage of high and low pitched "EEENNNTTTSS". To a person outside the door, it probably sounded like some sort of faulty machine turning on and off. Robin did learn how to growl, which I viewed as a major accomplishent. One of the jumbo-tron dogs thrust their giant, drooly snouts up Robin's butt and she responded with a delightful throaty, "RRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr".)
 I also hazard an opinion that the instructor wasn't keen on Robin as she was the only mixed breed dog in the class. I know that many people are pure-breed snobs and think any dog not acknowledged by the American Kennel Club is worthless. The instructor was nice enough but he couldn't seem to remember Robin's name and he seemed to hurry over us when doing exercises. I do know that two of the dogs in class were also pursuing private lessons with the instructor, so perhaps there was the added monetary element. A lot of good it did, as those two dogs were the worst in the class.
The class also deepened my appreciation for my beloved mixed breed pooches as Robin was among the better behaved students (not firing off non-stop howls or barking at the top of her lungs or dragging me across the room like some dogs that will remain nameless!) Some of these pure bred dogs are like awful hyperactive children: zero attention span and idiotically spastic outbursts.

There she is... our little scholar. All tuckered out! But smarter! And better behaved! And good! (Don't you love that carpet? No worry of spills and leakage here!)

Puppy Porn

Some of you will certainly think I'm crazy and that's your right. But it comes down to there being (as always) two kinds of people. The first kind is the person who loses their dog and goes into an extended period of mourning and sometimes never gets another dog. I fall into the second kind of  person: life without my familiar, my little shadow, my dog is unbearable and unthinkable.*
I have not been able to sleep much or well recently. I don't suppose that surprises anyone! One of the only things I can think to do when faced with sleeplessness is to play on the Internet. Inevitably, I found myself surfing YouTube videos of adorable puppies rolling around with their litter mates. I call it Puppy Porn. I did this surreptitiously, (much like one hears of Japanese business men trolling the Internet at work, checking out the T & A).  I mean, it's four in the morning and I'm up huddled in front of a flickering screen overdosing on little bundles of fur and joy... one viewing leads to another and another.
That led to seeking out my (remembered) Google searches of years past, after Frank the Dog departed this mortal coil. I can assure you getting a puppy is much harder than having a child.
If you care to take minute to corroborate my hypotheses, type in a breed or type of dog into your search engine. I am a combination dog person, as you probably know, and my preferred "type" is a mid-sized spaniel/retriever mix. Hundreds of possible doggie data bases come up, but once you start an actual perusal of the listed results, strange realities appear. The first is that due to all the spaying and neutering, the mixes listed are peculiar. Anything that can be crossed with a Poodle and given an icky name with "oodle" attached has become uber popular. (The first such cross that springs to mind is the infamous "Goldendoodle" that the "developer" of has since admitted it was the worst mistake he ever made. Follow that with Cockapoos and Woodles (half wolf/half Poodle, anyone? I can't make this stuff up!) The next thing that impresses the individual in search of a canine soul mate is just how expensive these "mutts" are. How about thousands of dollars? Not kidding! The mind reels...
So I was having no luck finding my specific match- except these newly designed dogs that are a combination of Golden Retriever and Cocker Spaniel that are some times referred to as Comfort Retrievers or Mini-Goldens (but even these are for some reason having Poodle snuck into the mix)
and these mid-sized cutie pies are commanding about $1800 and a waiting list and one breeder (that Bob and I even visited pre-Frank) is now requesting a non-refundable $100 visiting fee! Are you still with me? Is it me or are things seriously skewing insane? (The punch line to that joke is they all look just like my college-years dog, Archie who came from the Meriden dog pound and cost a princely $25. I should have bred the little bugger. We could be rich by now!)
So... then I thought, "Okay, okay. It's supposed to be a humane and good thing to adopt. Let's see if this situation has any possibilities." I checked every rescue in New England and I saw one dog that seemed attractive. She was about a year old, although I do want a puppy for Bob and myself, I am attempting flexibility and open-mindedness. Lo! and behold, she was actually listed in Connecticut(!) and I'm thinking "great!" but then you click on the adoption requirements and you realize that it's become even more draconian than previously feared to "do the right thing". Page after closely typed page of laws, bylaws, restrictions and even the caveat that if you want a dog sooner rather than later, this is not your best bet and how they have to visit your home and need copies of your last twenty years of income tax statements and blood work and even then THEY choose the dog to place with you. In short, forget it! I refuse to be grilled and dissected and subpoenaed in the name adopting a used dog. I haven't mentioned the fact that the very difficulty in obtaining a dog through a rescue is one of the reasons why there are so many designer breeders out there in then first place. And it is actually less expensive to buy a puppy or dog from a breeder (many purebred with registration papers) than to adopt. This dog I mentioned? They wanted over $600 for her! (You're also taking a risk getting someone elses problem child. Many dogs are given up as teenagers (between 6 months and a year or so) because the tend to be nuts and exhibit crazy behavior and go out of control. I personally like them at that age, but then I'm dog obsessed.)
I have had enough dogs and dog experience to know that Woofie/Archie/Charlie (who no one will remember because we only had him three weeks as he was sick when we adopted him and he died!)Ricky/Frank/Jules were all tremendously great dogs and who all had tremendously great lives as we are nothing if not dog-centric. And I know what I'm looking for in a friend...
Wish us luck!


*And never think that searching for another dog shows disloyalty to the recently departed! On the contrary, it is the highest tribute to the deceased that life is completely lacking in savor and shape. I experience so much with and through a dog's company!