April Fools!

 

Yes, a few days early for the first of April, but there was snow this week- after having sunny, sixty degree days. Gotta love the weather.

Today may be April Fool's Day but I think I accidentally celebrated yesterday. Maybe I started off on the wrong foot, thinking it was April 1st and thinking to be oh-so-clever, I pranked our poor doggie Robin the Good by putting only a single piece of dog kibble in her bowl for breakfast. She looked at me with a truly withering "oh you're SO funny" look; I hastily replenished her bowl! I then discovered that it was actually March 31st, so the "joke" was on me.

(Above, long-suffering dog who tolerates my sometimes not very funny antics. She must wonder how she wound up in a household like this!)

So the bigger joke of the day was that Mr. Coffee had "shit the bed" so to speak, and was refusing to produce caffeinated brown water to fuel our day. Bob resorted to making coffee with a Melittta filter that we had but we both realized we needed a new machine. We researched on line and were surprised to see that plain old non-electronically equipped Mr. Coffee makers were surprisingly hard to come by. We could order one, but then we'd have to wait a week or so for delivery. (I'm assuming it's the old "supply chain" excuse is to blame.) But then I thought to try our brand new, giant TrueValue hardware store. On line it announced they did indeed have what we wanted, and we even had a $5 off coupon. 

Additionally, my car key somehow had become bent (still usable, but it had a weird cant to the left) Bob had been urging me to take his key and get a copy made. I thought I was so smart: I'd get two things done at one place. I gathered my bag and sunglasses and Bob's key and went out to the car. I even remembered the coupon!

As I entered the car, bending over to place my handbag on the passenger seat, I heard a quiet- but distinct- tink! The sound of something falling and hitting something metal... Bob's key! It had escaped from my hand and landed somewhere in the center of the car. I will not strain your patience with how- for the next twenty minutes- I reached beneath every crevasse between the seats, under the carpets; I looked everywhere. I finally gave up, knowing the key was somewhere in the car but mysteriously hidden. 

 I made it safely to the hardware store where a nice young man looked fruitlessly through several thousand blank keys only to inform me that they really were having trouble getting old blanks for Hondas, Toyotas and Accuras. He came up empty handed but helpfully offered to straighten my key out. Having not succeeded at one task, I then inquired where they kept the coffee makers. Of course, there were no simple white Mr. Coffee machines. Only elaborate, expensive, technologically-driven contraptions with all the bells and whistles were in stock. I ordered one; it's supposed to come next Monday but do we believe this?

I then proceeded to another hardware store(where I sometimes buy horse food) and they also looked dubious when I presented my key. Apparently, Trusty the Accord really is an antique (1997) and key blanks of ancient times are had to come by. Fortunately, the "gentleman" (*1) who waited on me was able to find a blank similar enough to make me not one but two!! new keys. I tried them, they worked so all's well that ends well. 

I tried two other local stores... do you think anyone would have a simple 12 cup coffee maker? Nooo! But at least I had three car keys, and a Mr. Coffee on order. When I arrived home and told Bob of my morning frustrations, he went out to the car and it took him all of three seconds to determine that his key had fallen into the tiny slit by the side of the emergency brake. We now have no coffee maker and four car keys...

(*1) The particular employee at this hardware store is not one I'm ever happy to have wait on me. He is a religious-maniac, gun-toting weirdo. He once harangued Bob and I for a good twenty minutes in the parking lot as to why the 2nd Amendment is next to godliness or some such quackery. I try to avoid him since this encounter even though he tries to be especially deferential and helpful- probably becasue we could have complained to his boss about his unwelcome proselytizing and gotten him fired.

My Brush With The Po-Leece

Here's my partner in crime! Trusty and I were heading home from an exciting visit to Tractor Supply where we had invested in several bags of special Equine Senior Horse Chow (formulated for those elders with few teeth and in need of a bit more fat- Maggie's department). We were tooling along, well within the speed limit and minding our driving p's and q's. We had passed under the highway underpass- a mere mile or so from home- when I espied a police car directly behind me. "Well", I thought, I'll just make sure I continue forward in an orderly and innocuous manner and thank dog we're almost home!"

But no sooner than I had made an impeccable right hand turn onto our lovely road, then the bells and whistles erupt on said police car. I've been pulled over... I hurriedly pull on my mask and rolled my window down, attempting a pleasant and vacuous smile behind my mask. "Yes Officer?" I inquire politely. The woman officer (who looks to be about fifteen years old) responds, "I bet your wondering why you've been pulled over. Your registration has expired." I demure, "But that is simply impossible! I've passed emissions just this past spring and I know I renewed my registration!!" Meanwhile, I fumble in the glove compartment, out of which is spilling insurance cards and salt and peppers from take out food and kleenex... and the envelope with my registration. I triumphantly pull it out and realize she's right (of course!) and my car's registration has expired not just in December of 2021 but December of 2020... how is this possible!!?!??!?!!? Now I feel like a crazy person.

"It must be COVID time!" I exclaim. "We haven't been driving much and gee, the paper work must have gotten lost!" She was kind enough to reply, "It happens" and let me off with a warning and a quite jolly, "I know you're going to go home and re-register your car right now!" Which I most certainly did.

And found out that Bob's truck hadn't been registered since 2019!! Hahhahhahaha!! Whoops! And how did we not get in trouble from that? We've driven to New York- where if you recall, we broke down and were towed and a policeman gave us a ride. HE could have ticketed us if he'd run our plates! We've also transported Bob's sculpture to Vermont on several occasions and never got flagged for expired registration. I guess we've been very lucky. 

Don't worry: we're all 100% legal now. It was a relative bargain, too. Only a $10 late fee (and the weird other fees they tack on like something called a park use fee...) and the original cost and we're good.

And here's a preview of fun to come! Bomb Cyclone a'comin! Get out those snow shovels and blowers! Batten the hatches and stock up on milk and toilet paper... and bread!!
 

Color COVID

At what point do I get to wake up somewhere other than Vladimir Putin's America? Here it is- May 9th- and I'm swaddled in my winter clothing, picking through the woodpile searching for a few sticks to burn? It's actually flurrying with the sun out and we're all still quarantined from COVID 19 and WTF!! When I walked back from the mailbox, it was near white-out conditions...
I have begun the lovely task of assembling annuals, perennials and shrubs and vegetable plants to populate our many gardens and beds but I had to hustle them all back into my studio so they didn't freeze to death last night. And what of the hummingbirds?!  There have been a bunch of them- right on schedule!- flying around and landing on our feeder; I may have to install a nectar heater! But where do they spend the night?

This isn't half of them! The seedlings and tender things are all over our dining table and every available window sill. (We have temporary shelving on several windows...) Even today, the wind is so strong and sharp that they're all hunkered down inside.
So I had an exciting adventure yesterday morning. I called our local hardware/feed store and ordered and pre-paid for the horse food I need so that I wouldn't have to enter the building. As is typical protocol now, they said they'd leave the two bags on the rear loading dock. I drove our trusty car (running like a top!) to the back of the store, put it in reverse and hoped for the best. I say this because the driveway leading up to the loading dock is seriously narrow and surrounded on both sides high concrete walls and a chain link fence too boot. Add to the already trying circumstances is that I have my sunglasses and face mask on so that the mask was causing the sunglasses to fog slightly. I carefully calibrated that the right passenger side of the car was the trickier side to gauge my proximity to the imposing wall and backed up... BAM!!! Oh, I hit something!!
I pulled my car forward, exited and went to survey the damage. Trusty the Car looked fine but when I turned around, I realized that I had hit the corner post and it had caused the chain link fence to bow out. Yikes!

See? Nothing! Bernie didn't even get scratched! (I had feared having smashed a taillight or dented the fender area.)
Needless to say, I was mortified and knew I had to do the right thing. So I gloved up- already in my mask- and entered the store, which of course, was packed with customers and there were no sales people free. I exited and instead confessed by cell phone what I had done. I also walked to the back of the store and found three (3!!) male employees on the loading dock (all wearing masks) shaking their heads and... LAUGHING! Like "hahahaha; dumb blonde!!" In this case, I really didn't care as I confided just how stupid I felt and offered insurance information if they needed to press charges or put in a claim. But they were great and made plans among themselves to straighten it out. (In truth, it wasn't that bad!) They actually asked if I had gotten my two bags of beet pulp okay (yes, but need I remind you, these weigh 50 pounds apiece!) and told me to "have a nice day". I told Bob that the next time he went to our hardware store, he should view my signature "Damage by Rita" installation. I may avoid the store myself for a while as I'm certain they'll all be giggling at me when I come in...