Department of Stupid

 

Look what I want for my birthday!! Yay! Someone somewhere got my algorithm right! Bright red and waterproof!! I can't wait...

The above picture is simply to get your attention while I relate a truly stupid tale. A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from the State of Connecticut's Department of the Treasury. They were delighted to inform me that I was going to be reunited with property that was mine. They expressed such joy in being able to tell me this! The email was positively bubbling over with a peculiar tone of self-congratulatory pride in the State's ability to locate me. There was a website listed- as I was skeptical that this was even real- and I checked it out.

Yup! Property that was mine was on its way... they didn't say how much or what it was, but I was being urged to watch the mail for this big delivery! At this point I was convinced it would probably be something like six dollars or an equally unimpressive sum... I

Well, there it is! A check for 6 cents. My first thought was (obviously), "You have to be fucking kidding me!" Needless to say, the State should have kept it.

Think of the ridiculous amount of work that went into the "reuniting me" with my "personal property": someone had to research my records. Someone had to set up a data base website. Someone had to send me an email. Someone else had to print and cut the check. And then they had to mail it... which cost the State 53 cents. And I'm sure I'm not alone. How many people in the State were given checks for absurdly tiny bits of pocket change? Surely anything under, I dunno, maybe ten dollars? Could have been pooled into a rainy day fund or simply forfeited to the State of Connecticut. Stupidity in Action!!

Tea for Two

Yes, here I am standing in front of the kitchen garbage can, in preparation for plunging my arm down and in.  Several days ago, we had gotten food from a Chinese restaurant and they had included two complimentary tea bags. As we hadn't drank the tea with dinner, Bob suggested that we have the tea today. Without thinking, I tossed the tea bags in the trash. Then I recalled that it was labelled "Fortune Tea" and I assumed that- much like fortune cookies (or even domestic Salada tea) there was a fortune on the little piece of paper that secured the bag. Of course I documented my dumpster dive before impact. The punchline is that I pulled the still warm tea bag out (now decorated with all kinds of nastiness), and there was no fortune... just the name to the company. Hahahaha.
This morning, Bob went to prepare our morning coffee. I hear him opening and shutting what sounded like every drawer and cupboard in the kitchen. A few minutes later, Bob comes back up stairs, swearing that he cannot find the black plastic basket that fits into Mr. Coffee's mechanism. I descend to have a look. I re-searched every possible hiding place; I even looked in the downstairs bathroom and laundry area and my studio. I'm just about to give up, thinking aliens or Elvis impersonators have snuck in under cover of dark and pulled a prank, when I remember that I had had a coffee ground accident the morning before. Sure enough, there's the coffee basket in the garbage can. A popular place! Next time I can't find my car keys or my gloves- or my mind!- I'll know where to look.