Under No Circumstances!

 Several things prompted me to purchase natto, a Japanese fermented soy bean food that is supposed to be extremely good for you. At our local health food emporium, several helpful sales people had trouble locating it- which should have been a big red flag as to how "popular" it is. (Or, as we will establish, isn't). I purchased two containers, one small bean and the other large bean.

I had been warned that it was an acquired taste and that it took getting used to. But Bob and I are pretty game when it comes to trying strange stuff (*1) and I said, "Let's give it a whirl". Be warned if you have a weak stomach... 

Okay, so one other weird thing is the instruction to stir the natto 400 times before consuming. I started off, got to 50 and handed the honors on to Bob. I expected to get the natto back at 100 stirs and carry on alternating but Bob was so enthusiastic that he stirred his heart out and soon we had achieved the 400 required for optimal enjoyment. I am going to add here that the "aroma" exuding from this container was... interesting and not exactly appealing, but even hard boiled eggs smell kind of like sulphur. We had a few discussions as to how best to ingest this substance; Bob opting for its use as a condiment on top of rice, me suggesting in a Triscuit cracker (something familiar) with mustard and cheese.

I will also insert here that as it was 4/20, we had smoked a nice joint and were pleasantly, smilingly buzzed. We do our best to observe most national holidays. We were stoked!

Oh boy. Despite the odor- because in truth it was an sewage-like odor, not aroma- and despite the resembleance of its texture to the specific drool that occurs prior to one's dog puking (*2) I gamely raised that cracker to my mouth and bit in. I had chewed this edible monstrosity for approximately four seconds and was beginning to consider swallowing when what can only be called a deeply visceral response occurred. My entire body from my feet up to my throat recoiled and I was wracked by the need to eject the alien from my being. My body was screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Under no circumstances!! Whatever that thing is it will not be allowed in!!" I rose quickly and said, "I think I'm going to throw up!" Which I did, happily having made it to the bathroom in time. (*3)

Bob was not inclined to hurl but he allowed that maybe you had to grow up eating it to appreciate it and that it did seem to be an acquired taste. The one cracker taste test was enough to seal our natto experiment and the offending package was covered and returned to the refrigerator. It took a while to get that taste and texture from our mouths memory banks (*4) We completed dinner with a salad and crackers and cheese. Palate cleansing...

So anyone with an adventurous streak and a very, very strong stomach is more than welcome to two free containers of almost brand new natto. Hey! It's reputed to be very, very good for you!

(*1) Bob much more so than me!!

(*2) Ropey, thick but stringy and full of slime, slime, slime! Try washing it off your hands; kinda like slug juice.

(*3) I cannot even remember the last time I puked. Honestly. This happened so fast that it was impressive. Every fiber of my being rebelled against natto. My apologies to Japanese food culture but it was not a good experiment. 

(*4) Sorry to say, even looking at these pictures evokes a certain gut response. Not pleasant!

Too Much To Blog About!

 

To begin... HOOORAY!! I am sure we all watched the above performance with delight. I was going to blog about that but thought it might be too much for our already frazzled nerves. I mean, we're all pretty cynical that any charges brought will be dismissed. (Sigh) But we can feel joy and unbridled enthusiasm for justice being done for one minute, can't we? Perhaps I dream.

And for a complete change of pace, I almost blogged about Neko and her new neighbors across the field. There are now two mustangs- one apparently still wild- in residence behind a very stout metal fence. (This is because mustangs, being wild animals, want to escape out of any and all confinements.) Neko seems to be enjoying the horsey company and periodically runs up and down the fence line trumpeting to her friends. I started riding in this area the other day and the mustangs began running around, kicking up heels and acting like crazy springboks. I took Neko and rode in our lower field as I am not in the market for such equine excitement. It can be contagious!

And then I almost blogged about a recent trip to a Large Box Home Improvement Store. (It was Lowe's) I was attempting to locate the seed selection, helpfully wedged sideways behind a wall of outdoor furniture that was being set up. There I was, barricaded behind stacks of chairs and a very corpulent family, who were searching for something garden related, when I turned around and was confronted with that alarming entire wall of fucking Round Up!! Good God! I'm trying to purchase non-GMO organically grown seed and Monsanto is mocking me with a walla walla Round Up. There's enough glyphosate there to give everyone in the state of Connecticut cancer. Holy fuck!! And I'm sure Lowe's will sell all of that arsenal of doom... and more!! Doesn't anyone follow the news?!?!?

Anyway, Happy Holidays!!

A Good Night's Sleep

 

We all recognize that a good night's sleep is important. And that goes double for someone who is sick... like me. Yes! After successfully avoiding getting sick for three full years, thanks to vaccines and boosts and masks and hand washing (and wringing) and learning not to touch my face, I came down with a "common cold". I'm not sure where or from whom this unwelcome rhinovirus originated (A lab? The "fresh market"?) but I'm pretty sure it's the garden variety of head cold. (*1)

But despite illness and snow, one still needs to perform the farm chores. There's Neko- smart horse! enjoying breakfast in her barn- and yes, that's hay hanging out of her mouth. So now that we've all eaten and been watered, I can repair back to bed. Because, as I introduced this post, a good night's sleep is advised.

So last night I fell asleep almost immediately after watching Part 1 of The 1619 Project (enthralling) and missed all of Bob's night time story, apparently about a motorcycle gang. But I woke up at about 12:15 and just could not get back to sleep. This probably had something to do that I awoke unable to breath and gasping for air with my mouth open like a fish. Additionally, my eyes were watering so heavily I felt as if I were crying. As a bonus, the whole of my face hurt (*2) probably because of the pressure of my sinuses. Such fun! Then I lay there, unable to return to dream land- or at least unconsciousness. 

(A stock photo of our beloved Robin the Good as she refused to be photographed for this blog and I'm not sure why as she's very pretty and very photogenic!) Anyway Robin is the star of the next episode of my Very Unpleasant Night as about 2:30 (yes, I was still awake!) Robin commenced making a quite impressive range of canine vocalizations signaling that she needed something. In this case, I correctly surmised that despite it being 2:30 in the morning and there being a miserable mixture of snow and rain falling, she needed to go outside to relive herself.

As I turned over to rouse myself from bed and dress appropriate to the hour and the inclement weather, I proceeded to knock my full glass of bedside water over, where it landed on Robin's bed. I attempted- in the dark and quietly so as not to wake Bob up- to mop up the water with a towel from the laundry basket. There was a lot of it and Robin's bed was soaked. Robin was displaying her impatience to go outside so I finished dressing hurriedly and we threw ourselves down the stairs and out the door into winter wonderland. At this point, all I could do was laugh with a bit of hysteria thrown in. 

Robin completed her outdoor mission and we returned to the bedroom where Robin was offended to find her bed had been wet down and messed up. I had to make her a temporary bedding with a couple of flannel sheets and a towel which I am certain she viewed as inferior to her usual bed and worthy of a display similar to the Princess and the Pea. (*3)

Robin was soon snoring, Bob was asleep and I was still wide awake, attempting to doze propped up on pillows, hurting and exhausted. I finally did nod off at like 4:30. Which is why I'm going back to bed right now. Good night!!

(*1) It followed my "classic" development of a cold: sore throat upon awakening, then a progression to stuffed up nose and the impossibility of breathing. Nothing exotic but if I get really enthusiastic later maybe I'll stick a swab up my nose and see if COVID finally came to call!

(*2) Mommy used to describe this as neuralgia, a nerve pain upside the head. It abated after a dose of ibuprofen but it truly was insult to injury.

(*3) In which the princess proves herself to be a Princess by claiming to have not slept at all and is covered in bruises because she felt a single pea placed under a 100 mattresses or so. My little princess...

Corporate America Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks!!!!

 

Let's throw technology into that rant, too. This was going to be a "fun" post about an interesting field trip that Bob and I embarked on a few weeks back. But no... thanks to technology, I can't get the pictures on my phone to download onto my computer so you'll just have to wait for that blog episode. Don't hold your breath. 

Okay so the remainder of this blog is an expanded argument about some of the many things wrong in our dystopian country. I was recently in an art show in NYC. As the unpredictable winter weather and COVID are issues, I decided to send my artwork via UPS. My work is easy to roll and fold so into a box it went (*1) and off to UPS I went. I groused as it cost waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more to send than I originally expected (like I could have travelled by train to NYC and back several times for less $$$) but I figured WTH, it saves time and aggravation etc etc. The show ends this weekend, so I decided to make plans to get my work shipped back home. And while I could arrange a pick up by phone or online, I went into the UPS "store" as I felt like there might be problems. Just a hunch...

At the store, I was informed that "they don't handle pick ups". I furrowed my brow and said, "But I already paid for the return of my package (insured, too!)" They said, "But we don't communicate with the drivers". To which I responded, "But you're UPS. They're UPS drivers. You have more communication with them than me, a private citizen". "Oh no," was their answer. "This is a franchise. You have to call them up." Huh? Why call yourself UPS and charge me and then pretend you have no association with the company; highly confusing.

So I returned home and called UPS. I actually got a person who informed me that to schedule a pick up, I was going to be charged and additional $10. WHAT?!?!!? I already pre-paid for a round trip for my art work, what was this about? I got into quite a long harangue and made mention that many other art works were being picked up at the same address on the same day... they stood to make a lot of additional money if we all gave them an extra $10. Sorry! That's the way that is! I called the gallery and the curator there said that others were running into this problem but that at the end of the last show, the UPS driver told the curator that as long as there was a shipping label, he'd take the packages. We'll see.

The same day (I should have known better) I decided to tackle the problem of why we couldn't get our movie selections on Disney+ to stream. Bob and I suspected a technological problem so that's the department I called. I got a young man who hemmed and hawed and apologized (corporate America is really fond of disingenuous apologies.) and finally he asked what kind of device we were attempting to watch Hamilton on. I responded a TCL TV. He sighed and said, "OH! Roku TV's won't allow streaming if you're watching a program with the ads! You have to subscribe to the premium level!" Say what?!?!? We bundled Hulu and Disney+ because the price was right and we only really wanted to see Hamilton and now I'm being told "no; you can't do that unless you pay more... or watch on a Smart Phone or our computer monitor." (Oh great! Hamilton streaming on a 2 inch screen! Fabulous!) So here too, they were attempting to extort an additional $10 out us. I went back on their bundle ad and absolutely nowhere does it say anything about Roku and ads and how disappointed you're going to be- sorry sucker!! It's not even the stupid $10 more; it's the fact they don't tell you this! Infuriating. I also sat on hold for an hour (maybe I'm really stupid...) to try and talk to a supervisor. I finally hung up and we watched the first half of Hamilton (pretty mazing!!!) on our computer. Needless to say, I'm not pleased.

Moral of the story... I don't know. We're all so bound up in corporate life. We never seem to get satisfaction and rarely talk to a real person- and when you do, they're like humanoid robots trained to tell you just how sorry they are (they're not!). Corporations are making money and not feeling any compunction about anything but making money. I was happier back when I read books and never knew I needed TV.

(*1) Word to the wise: find a box and box it yourself at home. The last time I went to UPS and inquired about a box, they wanted to charge me $50 for a cardboard box! I went home and found one of similar size in the attic and used that. They will ship in a recycled box. I mean... really?!??

(*2) So after we finish Hamilton, we're divorcing ourselves from Disney+. I don't even care about the stinking Mandalorian any more! Fuck baby Yoda!

All The Fixin's

Oh boy! It's Fat Tuesday and Bob and I are no slouches when it comes to celebrating Mardi Gras. (Or anything else!) So we found out our local bakery makes King Cakes and you best believe we ordered early. I think it was my sister Cathy (Hi Cathy!) who bequeathed us the assorted beads, masks and plastic shot cup (on a bead string to wear around your neck... wouldn't want to lose the shot glass.) So with all the accoutrements in place, we're almost ready.

What, you may ask, are we going to consume pre-King Cake? Good question as even we aren't so debauched as to eat only cake for supper! Bob's making muffulettas. I knew you were going to ask! Muffulettas are ham, turkey (and in our case) capicola with olive salad and cheese on a sesame bun (*1) It's pretty hard to go wrong with this combination of things; we went shopping this morning to obtain the ingredients and I can't wait. 

But of course, the excitement really comes from that crazy cake, with the baby stuck in it. (*2) But Bob and I remarked... Hey! Wait a minute! This cake is SMALL!! Like half the size of a traditional King Cake! Like they're supposed to be oval!! Alas! Looks great but... where's the rest of it?! (*3)

(*1) In New Orleans, they make this on a large, round loaf of bread that gets cut into quarters but we must make do with individual rolls. It still tastes great, regardless of shape and size of the bread!

(*2) For some reason, I think the plastic baby represents the Babee Jesus. The King Cakes we bought in past years had the baby taped to the top of the box and one of us had to insert the baby into the cake. That's no fun because then one of us knows where the baby is. It's supposed to be a surprise. Also, the person who gets the baby buys next year's King Cake. In this case, the bakery placed the baby.

(*3) KInd of an oblique reference to ""King's Row" an old movie that that awful Ronald Reagan was in. See? King Cake? King's Row? Royal pain in my ass!
 

Timber!

See the tree labeled "this tree"? Yup, that one was slated to come down. Bob was insisting that he was going to fell it; I was equally adamant that I wanted him to remain alive (for some obscure reason...) Anyway, I recalled that my riding instructor Maiya had mentioned that her boyfriend Kyle did tree work so I thought to inquire as to whether this tree was within his abilities. He came and looked and we wound up hiring him to take down four trees altogether.

Damn! I missed the felling of the first one as I had gone to the house to retrieve my camera. Oh well. It came down clean and no one was laying on the ground crushed and dying (except the tree...) so that was good. One down and three to go!

This next tree looked nasty as it was a two-trunked monster and as you can see, Bob and Maiya were roped in to helping. The line they're pulling is hooked by a come-along to another tree further out in the swamp. The rope helps guide the tree to fall where you want it to. So while tension is placed on the right hand tree trunk, Kyle can cut it and leave the left half intact without fear of the tree twisting back and snapping. It's all a bit nerve wracking but hey! they knew what they were doing! (Me? I just take pictures and pray...)

Here Bob is demonstrating his ability to tight rope walk along the tree after it came down. Fun! I was just relieved that three trees had fallen and everyone as okay. 

And here's Maiya modeling "appropriate" footwear for logging activities. Yes, she also wears these shoes when we ride Neko. Crazy kids!

And then on to this beauty! The first one we considered having removed and the last to fall. 

Timber! Down he went! And Kyle did a superb job of landing that tree so accurately! This one had a much greater placement problem: it was inside the horse fence and between several ornamental trees (that we did not want to see damaged...) but it landed perfectly. Good job Kyle!

Now Bob has the fun of cutting up the trees for firewood (he likes this kind of activity) and we have loads of firewood to burn, not that we've had much of a winter. But wood for next year! And probably the year after that! Bob and I cleaned up the entire tree in the next two days (all gone! Already burning in our woodstoves!) I have to admit that the removal of this conspicuously dead tree really improved the view of this whole area. It was a tremendous success all around.

Yowzah Weather

 

A balmy -6 degrees!! And in order to verify that this is happening at our home, I scraped the ice from our window to access our thermometer...

Yup!

Actually, this was a few minutes later and it had risen to -5!! Oh joy! At least it's not windy, like yesterday... It was so cold outside that I blanketed poor Neko (*1). Neko also was excused from her diet as in cold weather, outdoor animals require lots more fuel to keep up body temperature. 

It was so cold yesterday (do I need to remind you?!?) that poor Robin the Good neglected to poop at her usual time and so decided that she need to go outside after we'd all gotten tucked into our nice cozy bed. Great! I had to bundle up and venture outside at 12:00 midnight to howling gale force gusts of wind and sub-zero temperatures; I've never seen a dog poop so fast! She wanted back in.

But despite the deep freeze, some part of my stultified brain was working, as I got yesterday's Wordle on the second guess! I tried to save my astonishing triumph but my phone refused to cooperate. I tried photographing my "stats" and this is all I got:

"Tasty" was the word, by the way. So I guess being a smarty pants still weather-proof. (*2)(*3) It was just about all I accomplished yesterday as we literally spent most of Friday hunkered down under flannel sheets, reading and watching the giant screen TV.  Saturday looks to be the same. But tomorrow is supposed to be in the 40's!!!! Here's my response:

(*1) Neko, as you may remember, lost "blanketing privileges" last winter as she managed to push her way through the electric fence as the blanket prevented her from feeling the shock. She actually managed to sneak back in, too. Smart horsey... don't ask how she did this.

(*2) I assume most of us have "favorite" first words on Wordle? I do... seems to work! but no one ever wants to share their stats with me. I have tried asking on Facebook and never get a reply. A bit of Wordle Insecur-itle anyone?

(*3) Another note on my Wordle stats. At one point, I was doing Wordle on the computer. then I switched to doing it on my phone, apres yoga and pre-dinner. I lost a bunch of my earlier stats as the phone and computer don't seem to speak to one another. Have I said how much I can hate technology? Don't even get me started on how hard I tried to sync my phone so I could do a blog post from there! All because I tried to send great photographs shot on my phone to the desk top and that doesn't seem to want to happen. So stayed tuned; you may get the blog I was attempting to post yet!!